Are You Living In A State Of Emotional Apartheid?

Apartheid“You’ve got to accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between”
– Johnny Mercer

In our culture positive thinking (and feeling) is highly prized.

We often describe our thinking and emotions as positive or negative, but this way of thinking and talking about them can set us up for a lot of suffering.

Our emotions are our internal signals and motivators, helping us to navigate our world. They are innate, part of the human package, tuned and refined over millions of years of evolution.

Categorising them as positive or negative can have a powerful effect on how we view them and how we experience them.

Read moreAre You Living In A State Of Emotional Apartheid?

From Carl Rogers To Identity Healing

Tony Mudd Memorial Lecture
Tony Mudd Memorial Lecture
On 22nd March 2018 I had the pleasure of presenting this talk to an audience of counsellors and counselling students at Tyne Met College.

It’s a personal account of the development of the Identity Healing processes that I use with my clients.

The talk is about how a shy introverted teenager who didn’t feel quite good enough developed the process that helped him and helps others.

This 40 year journey includes encounter groups, Carl Rogers, Buddhism, NLP, introductions to inner children, EFT (aka Tapping), how our younger selves get stuck and one way of getting unstuck.

Note: I recorded the talk on my phone so the sound quality is a little bit variable in places.

Your Life In Their Hands?

Image courtesy of chelsea:(

There’s so much more to EFT than just tapping

Imagine the scene:

Dave is at home, slumped on his sofa in front of the TV watching a boxed set of ER.

He starts to feel a little unwell, his chest hurts and he has a pain in his left arm.

He has seen enough episodes of ER to know that this is not a good sign.

He phones the emergency services and five minutes later, sirens flashing, a response vehicle from “Instant Paramedics” arrives.

Cautiously, Dave gets to the door and lets the bright eyed and enthusiastic paramedic in.

The paramedic introduces himself as Tim and shows Dave his “Instant Paramedic Certificate”.

Dave is too scared to pay much attention and gingerly lowers himself back onto the sofa.

“So, what happened?” says Tim.

Dave replies “I was watching a rerun of ER and I got this pain in my chest and down my arm”

“Oh that sounds bad”, says Tim, “maybe a cup of tea will help”.

Read moreYour Life In Their Hands?

How your past can be running your present (and what to do about it)

Annies photo
Image courtesy of simpleinsomnia

EFT/Tapping is a wonderful self-help tool. You can use it to soothe difficult emotions and ease painful memories.

It’s so good, you imagine that if you just tapped on the symptoms of your problem, relief would be quick to follow.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to work that way.

A quick search on the internet will find a multitude of tapping scripts or tap-along videos for your problem. However, while tapping along can soothe the distress at the time, those old feelings can come back later.

It’s as if tapping on the symptoms is like hacking away at the leaves of a tree. If the trunk of the tree is untouched the leaves can grow back with ease. If we don’t work on the trunk and the roots then we could make slow progress.

Let’s imagine someone called Annie.

Annie is now in her thirties and has had the uneasy feeling that she is not wanted for as long as she can remember.

Although she is in a long-term relationship with a loving partner, she often imagines that she is about to lose him to someone who is ‘better’ than she is. In spite of his obvious love for her, she finds it hard to accept that he does love her and that it will last.

She strives to conceal her reservations and be pleasing to him. She puts him first to ensure she keeps his affections.

But, even when things are going well, she feels a deep-seated unease about her relationship and how long it will last.

Read moreHow your past can be running your present (and what to do about it)

What fake steamship stories can tell us about personal development

For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.
– H. L. Mencken

Steam ship
Image courtesy of Enrique L

There is an amusing and inspiring steamship story that is often told in trainings or workshops, it goes something like this.

In the days of the old steamships a passenger liner broke down just before the entrance to New York harbour.

The ship was helpless, there was nothing the ship’s engineer or crew could do. The liner lay dead in the water unable to make any headway.

The captain radioed the harbour asking them to send their most skilful engineer to solve the problem.

The engineer rode a pilot-boat to the crippled liner, where the captain showed him to the engine room.

To the captain’s surprise the engineer just wandered about. He walked around the engine room, putting his hand on the miles of piping and his ear to junctions and valves. He looked into the boilers and over the towering engine.

By now the captain was beginning to get impatient. “When is this man actually going to DO something?” he thought.

After half an hour of wandering around the engineer just scratched his chin, nodded to himself and asked for a hammer.

Read moreWhat fake steamship stories can tell us about personal development

The Enfolding – A Folk Tale Of Wounding And Healing

One of the problems of describing therapeutic techniques is that they can seem dry and remote. It occurred to me that writing a folk tale would be a good way to talk about the Identity Healing process in a way that spoke to the metaphorical part of ourselves that delights in a story. This tale is one way of telling you about it without talking about it. I hope you enjoy the story and see its potential. – Andy

Holding hands
Image courtesy of Aaron Gilson

In a land far away and long ago there lies a village remote and beautiful.

A scattering of rough stone houses and tangled gardens surrounded by high hills and deep forest.

The villagers lived the simple lives of villagers everywhere.

They worked, slept, laughed, cried, were born and gave birth, grew up, grew old and died in all the ancient and familiar rhythms of the world.

To their occasional visitors they looked the same as villagers everywhere and anywhere.

To those visitors who stayed a while they seemed happier than villagers ought to be.

In spite of the hard work in the daily and yearly struggle for survival these villagers had found a way to be contented with themselves.

The villagers had an easiness of being. A deep contentment with themselves and the world. And although they had all the familiar vexations in their lives, they lived them to the full without struggle.

Children growing here suffered all the usual knocks and blows of life.

If you saw such a moment in a child’s life here you would see all the things you would expect to see anywhere. The shock, hurt, anger or fear would run through their bodies and over their faces.

What you wouldn’t see, what you couldn’t see, if you were not from this village, is the secret way each child protected themselves from their pain.

If you could see it you might doubt your eyes.

Read moreThe Enfolding – A Folk Tale Of Wounding And Healing

7steps3d-smallGet Free Updates

If you are enjoying what you are reading why not sign up for my free email newsletter which I send out monthly.

When you do I'll give you a  49 page ebook called “7 steps to more wellbeing” containing seven processes that you can use to feel better about yourself and life in general.

 

Click Here To Subscribe

I respect your privacy, your information will stay with me (see privacy policy)