How To Boost Your Respondability

Image courtesy of Ashley Burton
Image courtesy of Ashley Burton

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.

Viktor E. Frankl

Perhaps you’ve had these kinds of experience:

  • Your manager gets an expression on their face that makes you feel like a child waiting for a scolding.
  • Someone speaks to you in a particular tone of voice and before you know it you are feeling angry.
  • You hear someone’s name mentioned and your heart sinks.

These reactions are instantaneous, one moment you think or feel one way, then in the space of a few seconds you are thinking and feeling something completely different.

We all have reactions.

Some of them are pleasant, we hear a child laugh and we smile.

Some of them are not so pleasant and even less useful. With a single word, gesture or expression someone can trigger a negative and stressful experience in us.

It’s not our fault that we have these reactions. As we are growing up we spend a lot of time learning to respond to what is going on around us with our family, friends and society at large.

In the last century Pavlov performed some experiments with dogs in which they learned to associate the sound of a bell with feeding time, after a little training the dogs could be made to salivate just hearing the sound of the bell. They had an instantaneous and unconscious response to the sound of the bell.

Our mouths may not water when we hear a bell, but we have probably accumulated many conditioned responses over the course of our lives.

These reactions (conditioned responses) are a natural part of the way our nervous systems work. They are a simple learning strategy with advantages and disadvantages.

Slow Change – An Effective Alternative To Miracle Cures

Tend to the moments, and the years will take care of themselves.
– Tibetan proverb

Image courtesy of bogonfreund
Image courtesy of bogonfreund

Do you want a happier life?

Have you a collection of self help books?

If so, you have probably seen some of the big claims on the covers of these books.

They may say they are:

  • life changing
  • revolutionary
  • transformational.

These are big promises and some people who read the books (and do the work) do find their lives changed, revolutionised or transformed.

However I suspect that doesn’t happen for most people, the miracle never happens and now they have yet another ‘life changing’ product gathering dust on the shelves.

It’s not just books, the same kinds of sales pitches can be found for videos, audio courses, webinars, teleseminars and online courses.

You may have read the book, attended the training, watched the webinar hoping that this is going to solve your problem, or sort out your life, just as the sales pitch promised.

However, when it’s all over you might have thought it wasn’t quite as earth shattering as you had expected.

Waiting for a miracle cure

When I started down the path of committed self-development on my first NLP Practitioner training in 1999, I was amazed by how easy it was to change issues that had previously been stuck.

I started to think that if I could find just the right trainer or therapist, they would be able to spot what was wrong with me and perform a special advanced technique to change that.

Then the clouds would part, the celestial choir would sing, the scales would fall from my eyes and I’d be fixed!

Ta-da!

There would be a new me, perfect in every way.

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