Part of my work with people involves helping them free themselves from old identities, ideas and feelings about themselves that are no longer useful. This extract from a client session describes the Identity Relief process that I use as part of that work.
I have been working with Leslie (not her real name) for a little while on issues to do with her lack of self acceptance and powerful inner critics. As part of our ongoing discussions she told me that a lot of her time was spent comparing herself to other women and finding herself wanting. At one point she said: "I feel second best", because she said this with such intensity I asked her to say it out loud to have a sense of how true that statement was and then I asked her to say "I am second best" out loud.
There is a big difference between feeling something and being something, our feelings can pass but who we think we are forms the bedrock of our attitudes and behaviours.
She told me that "I am second best" had a 10 out of 10 score for her. If you have the fixed idea about yourself that you are second best it is not surprising that you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others.
When someone has a strong and unhelpful identity belief (sense of I am …) like this, I use the Identity Relief process to update this collection of ideas, thoughts and feelings about ourselves to something more realistic. The Identity Relief process identifies the time when this idea about ourselves was formed, often in early childhood, and uses a visualisation of that younger self and EFT to neutralise the strong negative feelings associated with that time, finally, that younger self is immersed in the compassionate acceptance that was probably missing at the time that these ideas were formed and is invited to update that understanding in the light of new experience.
When I asked her to say "I am second best" she told me that it scored a 10 out of 10 as truth.
Then I asked her: "How old is the 'I' in I am second best".
She immediately answered: "Tiny … pre-talk"
I asked her to imagine that "tiny" self outside herself on the other side of the room.
When she nodded that she had done so, I asked her: "What is going on for that tiny self?"
"There's a feeling of awfulness …"